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Crimson Crisis

America's best and brightest tackle social injustice. The next round of campus protests nears:

“Angry cereal fans are lashing out after Harvard University cleared its dining halls this school year of brand-name cereals, such as Fruit Loops and Cap'n Crunch, and swapped them for less expensive, apparently healthier options like Tootie Fruities and Colossal Crunch.

'''I was shocked to see they had done this to our cereals,'" said Harvard senior Cameron Moccari, who last week launched the group ''Harvard Students for the Reimplementation of Brand-Named Cereals.'”

'''I used to eat Lucky Charms for lunch and dinner," [Allison Kessler] said. ''The fake stuff gets real soggy, and I've just stopped eating cereal. This is not fair.'”

Thinkers such as Paul Vitz have pointed out that the American people have gotten so soft that they couldn't weather a real crisis, like a severe economic downturn. With stories like this, that type of observation will soon fall into the “Thank you, Captain Obvious” category.