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Rock and Roll Magazine Scolds Musician for Rebelling Against the Establishment

When staffers at Rolling Stone magazine heard the song of a blue-collar factory worker, they were quick to offer correction from their air-conditioned New York offices.

“This singer is causing too much of a disturbance and must be shut down!” proclaimed Rolling Stone writer, Karen Ratched.

“Who does he think he is, standing up to us like that?” asked the editor-in-chief, who only goes by “The Man.”

Initially, all seemed right with the song. Some of the corporate media magazine’s employees even seemed to be enjoying the impassioned voice (particularly the janitor, who related most to the song).

But attitudes soured as the lyrics took a turn towards non-compliance to the leaders and builders of The System that was causing the singer’s grievances.

“If he wants to complain about working, then he should stop, collect his welfare check, buy fudge rounds like the rest of us, and SHUT UP!” exclaimed a 5’3 300-pound former Rolling Stone writer who quit the magazine after deciding that writing weekly articles focused on Tweets was too much work.

“We’re a rock and roll magazine and rock and roll has its roots in the Blues and Soul music,” says Rolling Stone historian Susan Prude. “There is simply no place in our tradition for people to use their music to proclaim their lamentations.”

[Editor note: At press time, it was learned that former Rolling Stone journalist Matt Taibbi has uncovered a series of emails from Rolling Stone writers, asking government representatives how they should cover Oliver Anthony.]