The Week in Review

I like to think there's always something funny to add to a story, but dang, I'm not sure it's possible with Ilhan Omar's response to Chris Hayes during their discussion about whether she married her brother.

Anyone with a shred of humorous grey matter has piled on. I normally grow tired of pundits and comedians punching a joke well after it's dead, but not here. Keep 'em coming, folks. After all, she's not only not dead but she'll keep her seat easily.

She's so far ahead in the 2026 race, they don't bother running polls in her district. That's pretty bad. I mean, we all knew Grand Valley State was going to put the bricks to Judson at mid-field for everyone to see, but analysts still put a spread on it (GVSU -107 . . . GVSU didn't cover, winning by only 96).

So, I guess we gotta go to that true prophet of current events: Kalshi, who says she has a 96% chance of winning her district in 2026. That's about the same chance as the sun rising tomorrow. She could be caught with a sheep and get reelected. Of course, given her district's demographics, it'd probably increase her margin.

Nonetheless, I'm not going to pile on with more jokes. I'll just note that her response reminds me of Jerry Sandusky's insufficiently rigid response when Bob Costas asked him if he's sexually attracted to boys.

The Conservatives Were Right

Homos are taking over Western culture

Seventy percent of Moroccans seeking asylum in Ceuta are homosexual. Either the women in Morocco are hideous, or the men are really hot. Either way, now those dudes are lying all over the beach, brickin' one another in front of little Pedro, who's just trying to build a semen-free sandcastle. It's an outrage.

I suspect Thaddeus Russell knows why this is happening. America has been seducing the world with its culture for longer than it's been beating on it with a sword. We exported free speech, democracy, rock-n-roll, and civil rights. And now we're exporting homosexuality and telling the rest of the world it's gotta respect gay sex too. The EU, the gayest governmental institution this side of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, has embraced it and demands that its members offer sanctuary to anyone who claims to enjoy a good bricking like Judson U.

Elon Keeps Bringing It

I'm still stoked about 6% on savings accounts, even if he's probably not gonna extend it to the Ukrainian military, whose Starlink Internet connection he throttled because it was bombing Russian diesel refineries. By throttling it, he throttled some of their drones.

I say, "Bring on more throttling."

But don't stop at Ukraine. Throttle everyone, shunt all of us to the 1990s Dark Dial-Up Age of the Internet. The harder to access the Internet, the better.

Parental controls are weaker than a eunuch's johnson when there's fiber optic in the neighborhood. So throttle it back.

But not just for kindergartners with a porn habit. For adults, too.

Make folks go through harrowing experiences, like remembering usernames and passwords, then (just to be a dick) requiring them to reset their passwords, gradually wearing them down until they obsequiously agree to biometric verification even though they're pretty sure it'll later be used to destroy their social credit score and make it impossible to buy groceries without bartering their sexual prowess at the local black farmers market, then crashing their Internet connection even though the weather is fine, and foisting AI assistance on them like a gay barber rubbing himself against a customer while he cuts his hair.

Yeah, that should do it. Eventually, we'll all close the laptop and go into the garden, onto the golf course, into the local bar, or into our spouse's bed.

It'll be glorious.

Dang You, Netflix

I generally shun this Streaming Beast of the Apocalypse, but then they come out with something great, and I just gotta pay $10 to watch it (and heck, while I'm there, watch American Vandal Season One for the third time).

Them sons-of-bitches have done it again.

Norm: The Tale of Norm Macdonald, a new Judd Apatow documentary [was] released on Netflix last week.

While typing this, I am reaching for my credit card and preparing to cuss and scream when I can't figure out my username and password.

Larry David Makes Platform Proposals for the Democratic Socialists of America

The piece isn't that good, and I'm pretty irritated I gave the publication my email address to get access to it, but his 6th point strikes home in this childless republic that refuses to jail people who use the word "grand-dog."

The loss of a dog can be devastating and, in some cases, worse than even when a human passes. Recognizing that, we at the D.S.A. will institute a three-week bereavement period during which pet mourners will continue to receive full work compensation. This benefit will also apply to the loss of a cat, turtle, parakeet, or goldfish. . . [I]f you are the proud owner of a new pet, you’ll be granted a two-week paternity leave . . .

That's it for this week. Thanks for visiting TDE.

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