Electric Vehicles Give Joy to the Left Hemisphere

I don't think the scientists have applied the Hemisphere Hypothesis to explain empirically the difference between the mental worlds of men and women empirically, but anecdotal evidence of an enormous difference has long been piling up.

From cavemen using head-conking clubs as foreplay to Donald Trump's crotch-grabbing flirtations, men put a premium on the direct, efficient, and analytical, while women relegate such things to the second tier faster than a shitty team in the Premier League.

The different hemispheric approaches of the sexes have become more evident since the Woke Years (2008-2024).

Exhibit A: The rise of the trad wife. She's engaging the domestic arts with right-hemispheric flair and still looking hot after oodles of kids, irritating the hell out of lesbian-wannabes who remain convinced that a woman's place is in the left-hemispheric office.

Exhibit B: Electric vehicle men who, like men for thousands of years, celebrate the rationalism of the left hemisphere, no matter how ridiculous the results.

EVs are a pain to charge. A day trip in one of those contraptions now requires more planning and analysis than getting ready to transport a 500-pound Home Shopping Network fan from her couch to the bathroom.

Men, according to observers, seem to relish the experience far more than women.

These men are like those troglodytic beer drinkers huddled around an open car hood in the 1960s: they just enjoy the mechanics of it all. And just as those troglodytes often had a better chance of banging Marilyn Monroe than fixing the car and didn't much care, EV men have a better chance of banging Greta Thunberg than having a good trip and don't much care.

You want to take a four-hour drive? Good luck.

Such an EV trip requires a full day of logistics, which, for some men, is like a full day reaping dividends from mega-doses of Viagra. It requires two stops to recharge, each taking over an hour, which means you should plan your meals around them (great multi-tasking . . . always a potent crack cocaine hit for the LH). To locate the charging stations, he needs to download the Zapmap app, which is great (apps are micro-crack hits to the LH). Once he's at the charging station, he'll need an app to access it: Ionity, Applegreen, Gridserve, Evolt Network, Pod Point, ClusterFuckFuel.

It's heaven to the left hemisphere. And when fights break out at the charging station because they're overcrowded? It's normal: few things prompt rage more than the LH foiled and nothing is more competitive (another LH propensity) than martial intercourse, which is probably why men tend to get in a lot more fights than women (and probably part of the reason catfights are so entertaining).

And when that glorious full charge is realized? The EV can go from 0 to 30 mph in one second. Speed is everything to the LH. Speed allows the LH to get all its shit done, so the LH gravitates to it like a fat man to the ground after you trip him.

A sane person is a person with a balanced hemisphere. His LH approaches the details and the RH applies them to the big picture. When it comes to EVs and all the hassles, not to mention the 38,000 percent electricity increases for EVs, the RH sees the obvious problem: these things suck.

But not the LH. It's so caught up in the action, it scarcely notices the action is an exercise in the absurd. And if he is also sprinkled with a sense of sanctimony that makes him better than the gasoline-gobbling gorillas out there, it's really hard to make him notice. You might as well convince him to pull over and ask for directions when Zapmap fails him.

Do you have the patience to own an EV?

There’s a distinctive glow of virtue that emanates from people recharging their electric cars in public places. I call it the Light of the Charge Brigade. In the run-up to Easter, I spent two hours observing the phenomenon at Fleet Services on the M3. It was mostly men doing the charging. They’ve cracked the EV

The SpectatorYsenda Maxtone Graham