Some of you may have noticed the unpleasantness in one of the comments earlier this week. It dawned on me that maybe the person simply lacks online social skills. In fact, based on the amount of uncivility I see online, I suspect a lot of people suffer this desideratum.
So as a public service, I offer this advice about what to do if you read something you disagree with:
First, ask yourself: Do I really care what this nimrod says? Do I really need to comment? I believe it was the desert monk Arsenius who said, "I have often regretted my speech, but I've never regretted staying silent." Many of us should remember this (yeah, I know: You go first, Scheske).
Second, ask yourself: Do I really need to be biting in my approach? What exactly is it about this post that makes me so mad? If, for instance, I post, "Hey, Tim J., you're a jackass!" Tim has a reason to be caustic in his response. Likewise if I insult his lineage or anything else close to him, like his job, his hometown, his pet hobby, etc. (if a bird watcher had logged in aggressively last Saturday, for instance, I wouldn't have blamed him). If a blogger posts something that raises your temper, you should probably disclose your personal angle ("I'M a bird watcher, dang it!"), so everyone realizes you're not entirely objective on the matter. If you are entirely objective (not influenced by passion/emotion on the subject), why be caustic?
Third, start with something nice. Some samples:
Generic: Eric, I love your blog . . .
Teen Approach: Eric, you're, like, so cool, like, I want to be like you some day . . .
Surfer: Hey dude, you're awesome . . .
Sensual: Eric, you're gorgeous and hot . . . (female TDE commentators only)
1970s Shaft: You, my man, are a most righteous, rat own dude . . .
After you say something nice, write the but:
Eric, you're gorgeous and hot, but I have to disagree with you on this one.
Fourth, make your point in the most polite way possible. If your criticism necessarily entails some abrasion (either because you can't articulate without a knife or because your points necessarily hit close), lather it with more compliments or apologize upfront and say that you don't mean to be unkind.
Fifth, avoid sarcasm and dry humor. Unless people read you regularly, readers aren't going to know your intent, unless you pepper it with smiley faces and other joke indicia.
Sixth, end with something nice or self-deprecating. Samples:
-Anyway, that's my two cents, for what it's worth.
-Just thought I'd bend your ear a bit on this. And you ARE hot!
-I'm sending you a case of beer.
