Received in an email:
A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE
· Pythagorean theorem: 24 words
· The Lord's prayer: 66 words
· Archimedes' Principle: 67 words
· The 10 Commandments: 179 words
· The Gettysburg address: 286 words
· The Declaration of Independence: 1300 words
· The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words
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Description of deaths by self-inflicted golf club wounds.
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Drive-in church. I think I read about this a few years ago. I would've killed for a "drive-through" church last Saturday. The priest prolonged everything: When the first reading was done, the reader had to get back to his pew before the next person even rose to walk up, the homily was over 15 minutes long (at one point does it become a sermon?), extra verses of songs, little side shows ("I invite Mr. and Mrs. Smith to the altar. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, take this vocations box . . ."; "Eucharistic ministers to the homebound, please come forward . . ."). The ordeal took an hour and fifteen minutes. The priest was reverential for the most part, but there's something about the liturgy that I find flat-out flat. When it's prolonged, it's just painful. Give me a good opening hymn, the Bible readings, a short homily, the Confession of Faith, and a solemn Celebration of the Eucharist, then get me out. Now, if you're going to do some Gregorian Chant, incense, and decorate the sanctuary with awe-inspiring art, I might want to stick around longer. Do the Tridentine, I'm pasted. But the folksy stuff? I'm simply not into it and it doesn't compel me to feel like I'm in the presence of the divine, so it's hard to have feelings of piety. The only feeling I have is, "Please let this end."
