The Begging Eudemon

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Well, don’t blame me, but my wife asks me for very few favors. When she does ask, I feel compelled to grant.

Parents from Holy Angels Catholic School are trying to raise enough money to re-open the school next year. I think they have a snowball’s shot in . . . the mid-cornices of Dante’s Purgatory. It’s not impossible, but it’ll be hard.

Anyway, Marie heard about a school in Tennessee that was forced to shut down. A donor read about it in the newspaper and sent $15 million to keep the doors open. Marie thought maybe, just maybe, there’s a TDE reader out there that might be willing to make a large donation. We don’t need a million dollars, but we do need a lot of money.

I realize this is probably quixotic, but here goes: If you’re a potential large donor, if you want prayers said for you and your soul until my death, if you want a federal tax deduction, if you want to do something bizarre but beautiful with your charitable dollars, call me. I can be reached at my office: 269-651-2445. Tell the receptionist that you’re calling at my request. We can discuss details: the amount needed, the terms of the gift, etc. I work extensively with estate planning and charitable institutions, so I can walk you through the applicable legal angles.

I cringe at making this request and I apologize if it makes you cringe. But if you want a hundred children to see a miracle, please call me.

Thousands join together at Colorado University light up to celebrate 4/20, the international day of marijuana celebration (I don’t know why they just didn’t get together and weave hemp ropes). The free marketers were there: Entrepreneur Barrett Betz, 20, conceived of the potential financial benefit 4/20 holds earlier this year, and sold peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Hostess snack cakes and bottled water for a $1. “Peanut butter and jelly!” he screamed to passers-by who were parched and eager to satisfy their munchies. “I’m doing very well.” The police ignored the celebration: zero citations were handed out.

A five-star hotel in China dressed its window cleaners as Spiderman in an effort to avoid disturbing guests. I’m glad they didn’t want to disturb their guests. What’s next, barging into their rooms at midnight and screaming?

Rules, rules, suffocating rules: Comedian Aries Spears has pleaded guilty in New York to giving a woman’s breast a “high five.”

A clarification:

“We will rid the church of pedophile priests,” said Pope Benedict on his flight to America. That’s good news except for one thing: The root problem among the priests was homosexuality, not pedophilia. Pedophilia is the attraction by adults to children, both boys and girls, and the priest scandals have been, with few exceptions, man to boy.

I would add: mostly man to teenage boy. I get tired of explaining this fundamental point to friends and acquaintances, and I’m not going to re-hash the explanation here. If you want an illustration: take the Eldorado complex (where men were bedding teenaged girls) and make it homosexual. You’ll then have a (flawed, but decent) analogous snapshot of what happened in a very small segment of the American Catholic Church.


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