Gandalf the Grey or Gandalf the Gay?

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Ivy Tower News

August 4, 2021

BOSTON – Tolkien was a devout Catholic like President Biden. And like President Biden, he embraced homosexuality.

“It’s pretty clear Gandalf was homosexual,” says Leonard Chadwick, Professor of Multicultural Studies at Enormous State University and noted Tolkien scholar. “Advances in Gay Studies, especially in the fields of literature and sexuality, have established this beyond the point of debate or disagreement.”

Critics point out that Tolkien himself wasn’t gay and added virtually no sex to his stories, much less gay sex.

“That just proves the point further,” says Chadwick. “By favoring no kind of love, he advocated all love. ‘Love is love’ would’ve been his motto if he were alive today.”

Chadwick has lectured extensively on the subject.

“I’d need hours to recount all the gay parallels,” says Chadwick, “but here are just the more obvious ones: his ‘captivity’ at Orthanc that postponed his arrival at the Shire, which was pretty obviously just a prolonged S&M tryst; his enlightened (‘Istari’) status; his exclusive male company, starting with the other four male wizards.”

Critics of this point of view say Gandalf’s arch-enemy, Saruman, adopted the colors of the rainbow when he came under the spell of Sauron.

Chadwick dismisses the criticism as “anachronistic.” “Besides,” says Chadwick, “Tolkien never referenced the rainbow. He merely said Saruman of many colors.”

Chadwick will present a lecture entitled “Gandalf the Gay!” at Rhone Auditorium this Friday, starting at 7:30 PM.