Conan

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Chipotle is now being accused of gender discrimination. A spokesperson for Chipotle said, “That’s not true, we serve both E. coli and She. coli.”

People are very upset because in a new movie Michael Jackson is going to be played by a British white man. The producers said, “We didn’t want to cast a white man, but we’d like to get nominated for an Oscar.”

An analyst for Time magazine says the key to the survival of the Republican Party is bringing in young women. When told this, Bill Clinton said, “Hey man, that’s the key to every party.”