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You’re looking at one of the neater Christmas presents I’ve ever received: Monkey 47 Gin.

An incredibly fun gin that serves the purpose of getting sozzled better than all others. Haling from the Black Forest in Germany, the name comes from the number of botanicals that go into this unique gin, and the fact it’s bottled at bedtime-inducing 47% proof. Palate-wise it’s complex (there are 47 tastes inthere!), woody,spicey, fruity and herby. Pretty much everything a gin can be. Link.

My eldest son, Alex, bought it for me. He learned that a big liquor store in Battle Creek carried it, so Marie stopped in there on one of her holiday shopping trips. She looked and looked. Couldn’t find it. She asked the clerk. He said they didn’t carry it. She insisted that at least one website said they had it. Finally, the manager came out and said, “Oh wait. It’s over here.”

He then took out keys and walked over to a locked cabinet that, Marie learned, holds their rare and exotic bottles. He handed the Monkey 47 to her, remarking it was really expensive gin.

My bottle is about 24 ounces. I haven’t opened it yet. I’m waiting for a really (really, really) special occasion when I can open it with Alex. So how special would the occasion have to be? Here’s a Top Ten list that I quickly cobbled together:

Events that Would Prompt Me to Break the Monkey 47 Seal

10. Fox Sports One finally gets its act together and makes a real bid to overthrow the diehard-leftist ESPN’s hegemony over sports.
9. A true-blue libertarian wins the presidency.
8. Obamacare is repealed.
7. I win a million dollars in the lottery.
6. I, with lawful provocation, strangle a pitbull to death without suffering any injuries myself.
5. Anyone strangles a pitbull to death.
4. G.K. Chesterton is canonized.
3. I’m canonized (and, being so off-the-charts holy, it’s done before I die in all due recognition).
2. A Hollywood actor with solid liberal credentials says to a major news outlet, “Homosexual activity is disgusting. We all know it. We just don’t say it out loud. I mean, come on. Yuck.”
1. Alex gets engaged.