Leno

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“A North Carolina woman stabbed her roommate’s ex-boyfriend because she claimed he wouldn’t stop playing Eagles music. He’s OK, but apparently she stabbed him with those steely knives but she just couldn’t kill the beast.”

And Ferguson: “Right now a postage stamp costs 46 cents. But they’re proposing to raise it to 49 cents. That’s only an increase of 3 cents. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you multiply it by all the people who send letters, it could bring the post office upwards of $30.”

And Fallon: “Tea party Senator Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate. During his protest, Cruz actually read from the book “Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss. Democrats were like, ‘When will this end?’ But then Chris Christie said, ‘When do we get those eggs and ham?'”

And one more Fallon: “A study found that New Yorkers are some of the most honest people in the world. In fact, today I saw a lady drop a $20 bill and this guy said with complete honesty, ‘I’m gonna take that.'”