I guess we have an Arab Miss America, which is fine with me, but this line from the Detroit Free Press puzzles me: “she is the first open Arab American to win Miss USA.” Are there closeted Arabs? Doesn’t their olive-color skin color give it away? I mean, it’s not like they’re just hiding Judy Garland CDs under their coats. And are those closets big enough to fit Arabs and lesbians? * * * * * * * And yet more questions: Is she Catholic or Muslim, or Arab or Pole-ish? If she says she’s Catholic, does she get stoned to death by the Muslims? Does she get stoned to death by the Muslims anyway because she wore a two-piece bathing suit and danced on a pole? * * * * * * * Gold going down? Jon Nadler, senior analyst at Kitco.com, argues that gold prices will fall to $800 despite any short term upside. When Kitco is talking like that, listen. They’re precious metal dealers. * * * * * * * Damn. And I was in good mood last night: “the truth is 90% of congressional incumbents will probably be reelected.” * * * * * * * The easily-offended Maureen Dowd asks a good question, and it makes me snicker: “Why, she asks, is Elena Kagan is called ‘unmarried’ instead of ‘single’? Why are women subjected to this humiliating distinction?” * * * * * * * It reminds me of the story about a woman who is standing in a grocery line. A drunk behind her is staring (and staring and staring) at her basket of groceries. He finally slurs, “You’re single aren’t you?” A bit startled, she says, “Yes, I am. You can tell that from looking at my groceries?” The drunk weaves a bit and says, “No. You’re ugly.” * * * * * * * That last one might be apocryphal. * * * * * * * Hey man, I’m not writing this stuff just because the chicks dig it. Please do me a solid: patronize this site by accessing Amazon through the link in the upper-righthand corner. As of yesterday, I’m getting shut out in the Amazon May sweepstakes. Not a single order, and it’s making me cry.