Before Friday's feature posts, please indulge this request: If you know of anyone in NW Ohio, northern Indiana, northern Illinois (Chicago area), or Michigan (lower peninsula) that's trying to sell a used school bus, please let me know. You can put the information in the comments box or use my email link on the left. I have cash. I will pick it up. Thanks.
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The 10 Commandments for drinking like a man. It's a good list, though I violate Number One and don't ever plan on keeping it. Excerpts:
. . . if I see any of you jackasses out there with a Sex on the Beach or a Screw Me Blue in your hands, I'll slap it to the ground and eat your worthless soul . . .
When drinking one of the aforementioned obligatory wines at one of the aforementioned stuffy and overpriced restaurants, do not sniff the cork. Check it for mold or odd discoloration, and then put it down”¦but do not sniff it like a damned country bumpkin. . . .
Any Free Drink is a Good Drink.
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Great piece at Modern Drunkard Magazine about Humphrey Bogart and his drinking. Excerpt:
He continued to build on his already magnificent tabs at a half-dozen nightclubs, always able to stave off payment with promises that the next big break was right around the corner. Ironically, it was because of his heavy boozing he would get the role that would resurrect his life and career.
Asked to try out for the role of a cynical gangster at the end of his rope in the play The Petrified Forest, Bogart showed up for the audition with a world-class hangover. Unshaven, bedraggled, puffy-eyed and completely apathetic about getting the part, he came off as exactly what the director envisioned the character should be. The play was an overnight sensation, earning Bogart so many rave reviews that Jack Warner, the president of Warner Brothers Studios, took a train from Hollywood to attend a performance. Bogart was immediately signed to a one-year contract.
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Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Follow link for similar word plays. In my case, the intaxication lasted about two months, when I received a letter from the IRS, saying I would only receive $2,400, not $3,300. I figured, "Hey, they completely missed the attachment on my 1040, listing children 5, 6, and 7. It's believable, since Form 1040 doesn't have enough lines for seven children." My wife called them, sat on hold for an hour, then was told that we weren't getting the additional $900 because we screwed up our tax return. They didn't seem to appreciate the incredible coincidence that the alleged difference in tax was, to the penny, identical to the amount they were withholding from our rebate. Even more incredible: They said that we screwed up our return because we failed to list $20,000 of additional deductions, which is like alleging Bogart forgot to take a few bottles of whiskey that he'd paid for. When my wife asked, "Well, that would mean you owe us a lot more money than what we claimed on the return," the IRS rep basically said it doesn't work that way and that we had to file an amended return and see what happens. We might get the $900 next year.
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Wow, is this water with a splash of beer? Miller Brewing Co., of Milwaukee, said Tuesday that it is expanding its rollout of MGD 64, a 64-calorie version of its Miller Genuine Draft Light brand. Miller Lite has 90 calories, and it is, well, really lite. When on occasion I do order it, I usually say, "I don't feel like drinking tonight. Just give me a tall Miller Lite."
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Ten Best Beer Names Ever. They have some good ones, though I'm not drinking anything that has "golden shower" in the name:
10. Unibroue La Fin Du Monde
9. Harveistoun Old Engine Oil Mega
8. Sweetwater Happy Ending Imperial Stout
7. Ridgeway Santa's Butt
6. Buffalo Bill's Alimony Ale
5. Dogfish Head Golden Shower
4. Mikkeller Beer Geek Breakfast Pooh Coffee
3. McQuire's I'll Have What The Gentleman On The Floor Is Having Barley Wine
2. Avery Collaboration Not Litigation
1. Wasatch Polygamy Porter
