Here's one of the most ironic puzzles of my adult life: Marriage Encounter Weekends. Never has anything sounded so repugnant to me, yet widely endorsed by many people I respect. Why does it sound repugnant?
*If my wife and I ever get away for a weekend, it's going to be with a case of good beer, two bottles of wine, and without my wife's ovulation peak. It'll be a private affair. I won't spend my one childless weekend with other couples.
*The marriage encounter idea rings of "touchy-feely stuff" (only way to put it). I'm told it's not at all touchy-feely, but I have a hard time believing it. My touchy-feely radar is far more sensitive than most people's.
*I hate the word "retreat," unless it implies running away from a barrage of bullets while your unit is being besieged by Commies in SE Asia. Everything about retreats (brain storming, break-out sessions, networking) makes my knees weak.
*The whole idea of having an "encounter" with my wife that doesn't involve sex strikes me as drinking non-alcoholic beer. Sure, it's alright, but I'd rather get the buzz.
*I was forced (by the Catholic Church--the Diocese of Detroit, to be exact) to do an afternoon retreat before getting married. An ex-priest and ex-nun (who shacked up during Vatican II, then got married when the Catholic Church failed to embrace VII's spirit) ran it. I spent part of the afternoon being forced to gaze into my fiance's eyes and rubbing her cheek. I would've rather spent the day losing a genital-kicking contest. The Church blew it as far as I'm concerned when it comes to having any input into my marriage: Administer the sacraments and get out of my way. I'd take a thorough-going secularist as a counselor before couching with the likes of Renee and Dayton (the nun and priest retreat counselors in Detroit--their names are etched on my brain with a branding iron).
Is that enough? I have more, but those are the big ones.
I'm guessing the biggest problem is this: The whole affair seems wrapped in semantics and concepts from the seventies. Maybe if I could get past words like "retreat" and "encounter," I could go. Maybe they could send me a 30-minute miniature retreat on DVD that I could watch. If I can hold it down, I'll consider signing up.
But until then, I'm barging forward with my hot wife and fun children, and I'm not contemplating it. As C.S. Lewis observed, once you start looking at the enjoyment instead of simply enjoying something, the enjoyment stops. I'm enjoying my marriage. I don't want to think the fun out of it.
