Ah, okay, I think I can accept it now: "Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane, Pope Francis Clarifies."
The decision has angered some conservative Catholics, who favor applying the death penalty in wider circumstances. “What about that guy who brings his guitar to a party and totally ruins everyone's good time?” one traditional Catholic asked. “Or those people who insist on making small talk while in line at the grocery store?”
It is unknown whether Pope Francis will also call for the death penalty for people who wake the whole neighborhood up mowing their lawns at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning, but sources close to the Pontiff state he's leaning toward the affirmative.
In this vein, a few others:
Those who don't use their turn signal because they don't have a free hand.
Those who drive down the street at 15 mph.
Those who clearly get to the intersection first but wave you through (stemming from, I'm guessing, misguided sense of kindness).