The Left is a sanctimonious kill-joy. Black Wednesday is here and we're primed for celebration. But what is the leftist Huffington Post primed for? Lecturing:
Thanksgiving is the time of year where children young and old come home to see family ”“ and catch up with friends. What are they doing when they're out and about? Thanksgiving Eve is referred to as “Black Wednesday,” as it may be the busiest night of the year for bars. And social binge drinking (consumption of a high volume of alcohol in a short period of time) is also common this time of year. While every parent would rather focus on positive thoughts and uplifting conversations with their kids, the reality is that it's also important to address more serious topics like drinking.
But hey, maybe I'm being too hard of HuffPo. In fact, I think I'll take their advice. I have three kids joining me tonight for drinks, including Jack, who is experiencing his first Black Wednesday since turning 21 (he commented last year, "This is my last year as the Thanksgiving Eve and New Year's Eve designated driver!"). I will talk with all of them about drinking.
I've even come up with a list of things to talk about:
1. Do you want another?
2. When did you get a twin?
3. Tell your mom I've switched to Mountain Dew.
4. 9:30 is very late when you've been drinking since 3:00.
5. You want to move on to the next bar?
6. I have Gatorade in the garage refrigerator and ibuprofen in my bathroom for tomorrow morning.
7. Would you please help me calculate a 20% tip? The total bill is $100.
8. Vodka loses its taste as the evening wears on.
9. I know alcohol hurts objectivity, but I honestly think I'm more handsome now than I was four hours ago.
10. Let's flow chart one more time the logistics of getting us all home with the fleet of teenage drivers waiting for our call.
I just learned about a new disorder: Williams Syndrome, which is characterized by "cognitive difficulties and a tendency to love everyone." I suspect I'll be having some Williams Syndrome this evening.