Brews You Can Use: Special Holiday Edition
Christmas is nigh. I've never been much of a Christmas drinker. Thanksgiving? Sure, but Christmas? Nope.
I certainly don't have a religious problem with drinking, since, as long-time TDE readers know, I practically consider alcohol a sacramental, but there's a time and place for everything, and for some reason, it has never resonated with me to drink much on Christmas Eve or Christmas. I suspect my "objection" (if my personal mild aversion can even be called that) to Christmas drinking is related more to the jammed nature of the celebration. There's so much going on, and sleep already at a premium, I don't need to compound the potential problems with inebriation or, worse, the after-effects of alcohol.
But I realize my preference not to enjoy a lot of alcohol at Christmas isn't everyone's decision, so I'm dedicating this BYCU to Christmas cheer.
First off, if I do drink a little, I won't drink my regulars: vodka or gin. It's a special season, so any drinking calls for a special drink: spiked punch, spiked egg nog, mulled wine, etc. Or maybe a fine red wine. If you're a beer drinker, there are a host of holiday ales out there. The market is as crowded with ales as it is with contemporary Christmas songs (I just hope the new ales are better than the new music). The Christmas beer names run the gamut, from the merely descriptive, to the sacramental, to the raucous:
Bell's Christmas Ale, Bell's Winter White Ale, Dundee Festive Ale, Merry Maker Gingerbread Stout, St Bernardus Christmas Ale, Ommegang Adoration Ale, Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig, Nutcracker Ale, Mad Elf Ale, Seriously Bad Elf, Delirium Noel, Santa's Private Reserve Ale, Festivus, Christmas Bomb, Pimp My Sleigh, Spice Spice Baby, Yule Shoot Your Rye Out, The Beer that Saved Christmas, Sled Wrecker.
If you don't share my taste for moderate drinking at Christmas, I recommend this funny piece at Modern Drunkard Magazine: Holiday Hints for Hooch Heads. Warning: the language is very colorful. Here are a couple of recommendations from the fine folks at MDM:
Don't worry if you hate wrapping presents, because your favorite store provides free gift wrapping.
Just give the brown bag a little twist around the neck of the bottle and hey! All done!
After eight of your “these-are-for-daddies-only” eggnogs, try to refrain from telling your children you are going to shoot Santa off the roof of your house when he lands.
While their shrieks of terror may seem funny at the time, it will directly affect the quality of nursing home you will be eventually shipped off to.
If your more religious relatives try to pin you down about your drinking habits at a family gathering, always tell them, “Hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna keep prayin' for ya!”
For some reason it drives them crazy.
If you're drunk enough, heckling Christmas carolers will seem about the coolest thing in the world.
Especially if you can get them to cry.
Spread the holiday cheer by going to your favorite bar dressed as Santa Claus.
Because nobody under-pours Santa. Nobody.
(The well-memoried TDE reader might notice that this piece appeared earlier, in 2014. I stumbled across it recently and thought it was worth reproducing, which is something I rarely do.)