No Census for Me

This story is too weird not to mention:

A sniffly Laird McGillicuddy Graeme Cairns was today recuperating at home after surviving 12 hours of cryogenic freezing in a chilly bid to dodge responsibility for filling out his census forms.

The good Laird was yesterday declared "legally dead" at 11.55am by his medical entourage of Dr Freeze, Dr Snakes, Dr Beere, Dr Weeds and Dr Qualified, who mixed the science of cryogenics with the dark arts of shamanism in Garden Place.

Laird was trying to avoid the census, but his doctors apparently were trying to make a bigger point about life and death, though it's hard to say what the point is, and it's probably a text-book lesson of why doctors should stick to medicine and not venture into other areas, like philosophy, sociology, economics, or anything else:

Dr Qualified said cryogenics was a highly complicated procedure, but couldn't help but note credulity is at an all-time high in Hamilton. "Hands up who knows how science works?" he challenged, to blank audience stares. "Yes, you people will believe anyone."

Dr Qualified argued the cryogenic process could lead to an explosion of a future cannibalism industry, in much the same way as frozen shipping allowed sheep farming to take off.