Some good late night from last week:
"Today is Take Your Kid to Work Day. It's really the most uncomfortable day of the year for the adult film industry." Kimmel
"During Donald Trump's foreign policy speech yesterday, he said when it comes to military action, we have to be unpredictable. Scary news for Iran, but terrifying news for Canada." Meyers
"Vice president Joe Biden made a surprise trip to Iraq this morning, and no one was more surprised than him. 'Last time I use Expedia!'" Meyers
"Chile's new giant lasers are so powerful, they can create an artificial star, which is impressive until you remember that Kris Jenner has been able to create, like, eight of them." Meyers
"A new practice is undergoing research called postmortem sperm extraction, in which viable sperm is taken from a dead body and stored within 48 hours after a man's death. It's what Larry King calls dating." Meyers
