I'm finding The Modern Drunkard a highly-entertaining book. Based on my initial pass, it appears to be a "best of" collection from the eponymous magazine. There is, for instance, this bit of wisdom from a collection called, "Etiquette for Inebriates":
Problem: Your dinner companion mistakes his martini for a finger bowl.
Solution: Is he perhaps fishing for the olive? If not, you must wait until he is finished executing his unforgivable faux pas, then splash his martini in his face and inform him his face also appeared dirty. When he screams that his eyes are burning, inform him that water does not burn unless, of course, he's a witch.
Link.
