Black Wednesday again. Far out.
I've been celebrating Black Wednesday since 1985, when I first came back home from college for Thanksgiving Break. It is one of my favorite days of the year.
But how long have I been writing about Black Wednesdays? For that, I had to go into the TDE archives. The answer: 2007. That year, I wrote,
They're beginning to call it “Black Wednesday,” the biggest drinking night of the year, Thanksgiving Eve. The kids are home from college, the adults have four days off work.
I've been celebrating it with my father for at least fifteen years, since I moved back to town in 1992. Back then, we had to get to the honky tonk by 3:30 if we wanted a table. The place isn't quite as crowded these days, but to be safe, we get there by 4:30. For the following five hours, an assortment of friends and family come through for drinks and food. It's one of the most pleasant evenings of the year. And with a little luck and moderation, it won't be followed by one of the nastiest mornings of the year.
I like that observation, "They're beginning to call it 'Black Wednesday.'" If you Google something like **black wednesday thanksgiving**, you'll now get a ton of relevant hits:
"14 Places to Celebrate Black Wednesday"
"Local bars, police departments prepare for Black Wednesday crowds"
"Five Things to Do for Black Wednesday"
"Black Wednesday: Avoid a DWI on Thanksgiving Eve"
"Black Wednesday: Don't be a Fag. Get Out and Drink"
"KKK to boycott honkey tonks in protest of 'Black Wednesday' Appellation"
Okay, I made up those last two, but the other headlines are legit.
I have long speculated that Black Wednesday is the biggest drinking night of the year. I remember internet surfing for information about it one year and basically coming up with nothing. That, too, has changed. Although I can find no statistics, many bar owners declare that it is their biggest revenue night of the year and many sites present anecdotal evidence that it is, indeed, the biggest bar night of the year.
That, I think, is a safe bet: Black Wednesday is the biggest bar night of the year, but not necessarily the biggest drinking night of the year. Although I would still put money on it as the biggest drinking night of the year, it might take second place for raw drinking to New Years Eve, when lots of people attend private parties or drink at home. There's also St. Patrick's Day, which is another huge bar night, but also a night of private parties. If I had to guess, I would rank these three Drinking Titans in the following order:
Biggest Bar Night of the Year
Black Wednesday
St. Patrick's Day
New Year's Eve
Biggest Drinking Night of the Year
Black Wednesday
New Year's Eve
St. Patrick's Day
I think St. Patrick's Day would do a bit better if more people celebrated it. In my area, for instance, it simply isn't a big deal. It's also crippled by the fact that it 5/7ths of the time, it falls on a work night, whereas Black Wednesday and New Years Eve never do. For my Irish fans out there, please rest assured that I would put St. Patrick's at Number One for both bar and drinking weekday nights of the year.
It dawned on my while putting together this assortment of BW thoughts: "What does the humorous authority on drinking, Modern Drunkard Magazine, say about Black Wednesday?" Unfortunately, the answer is "nothing," though I did find this entertaining piece: "Hooching Through the Holidays." Excerpt (on shopping for the perfect present):
First, go to the drugstore and buy a bag of red bows. They go for about a fiver. Within a bottle's throw of every drugstore is a liquor store. Now, I don't know about you, but going to the liquor store is always a special thrill for me. It's a little off-putting when you realize you aren't buying for yourself, but fight through it. And remember, think green. A nice emerald forty of Mickey's with a red bow around it's fat neck should bring a smile to all your friends' faces. Since you're getting something for both of them it's gonna set you back a mere $5.43. And that's after tax!
I hope this BYCU Special Edition is running long in a charming way, but I realize the writer's view of charming is largely detached from the reader's, so just two more things before signing off:
1. Don't forget this great quote when you're out with your friends tonight. It's packed with a lot of truth: “The saloon . . . performs more social service than the churches and organized charities put together.”
2. A little GKC, which is approriate because he must be the heaviest drinker ever to be considered for canonization. His statement below will make great bar fodder for this evening.
G.K. Chesterton infuriated some Americans back in 1930 when he said, while visiting New York on Thanksgiving Day, that the English should institute their own special Thanksgiving Day–to celebrate that the Pilgrim Fathers had left. No wonder he felt that way. Consider The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church's description of Puritanism: “They demanded express scriptural warrant for all the details of public worship. They attacked church ornaments, vestments, surplices, organs, the sign of the cross.” Eric Voegelin considered the Puritans one of the earliest strains of modern gnosticism and described (borrowing from Richard Hooker's Ecclesiastical Polity) in great detail their use of social boycotts and political defamation in their campaign of intolerance toward other Christian denominations and the study of classic philosophy and scholastic theology. Voegelin said their attack against the Western tradition was so effective that Western society has never completely recovered from the their blow.
