Sunday

H.I.F.

The TDE reader who sent me the article that I posted yesterday also mentioned this in his email to me: "The hurt of the children can never be acknowledged--they are just supposed to move on. Meanwhile, extended families go to absurd lengths to ensure that all step-family members are all getting along to avoid this hurt. Have you ever seen the 'family commitment ceremony' at a 're-marriage'? I've seen two, makes my jaw drop at the gross insensitivity to the children. Basically, 'do you promise to abandon your "old family" and swear allegiance to the "new" one?'" He then passed along this unsettling link.

I'm at pangs to offer advice to divorced families. I've known many people that have gotten divorced, good people too, and I'm in no position to pass judgment on anybody. I wish them well and do what I can (which is, to be honest, nothing), but the "family commitment ceremony" described in this email and that link really unnerved me. I'd never even heard of such a thing.

There are, it seems to me, three ways to deal with a problem: (1) ignore it, (2) deal with it as compassionately as possible, (3) celebrate it and ignore it's a problem. When it comes to divorce and helping the children, it seems (2) is the obvious answer. That "family commitment ceremony" clearly seems to collapse into the third one.