Kimmel

It's a big night tonight, the finale of "Dancing with the Stars." I don't know if you've been following the show, but the comedian was eliminated. Bill had the grace and easy elegance of a squirrel getting electrocuted.

On Juan-uary 5, a new season of "The Bachelor" begins. We have two words for you, America: Juan Pablo. He's so cute, my gosh. Here is one more word: Juanderful. And Juan-in-a-million. Whoever came up with that should be sent to Juan-tanamo Bay.

It's that's special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones. And I'm going to start dinner by telling my parents I'm gay. It never gets old!