Man Crush

I still hadn't fully recovered from whatever illness afflicted me this morning, when I read about "man crushes" in the Toronto Star. Now I'm nauseous all over again. Excerpt:

Michael Musto of The Village Voice told MSNBC this summer, "Straight men now feel it's okay to wax their legs. They can also let their feelings show. As you know, Sex and the City is gone and the shows now are Deadwood and Entourage which are shows about groups of men fighting from time to time but really loving each other."

Stephen Whitehead, a sociologist at Keele University in England, agrees.

While the man crush has found a place in our modern, urban lexicon it also has been appreciated as an important social phenomenon.

"Disavowed of any homoerotic overtones, the idea of a man articulating his emotions for another man is where we stand in the post-feminist era," says Whitehead. "It challenges the traditional notion of masculinity. The rugged, stoic, heroic definition of masculinity is losing ground."

The contemporary notion of heterosexual male interaction allows for intimacy, but is rarely eroticized.

Whitehead is encouraged that men are now able to explore various levels of their friendships with impunity.

Gosh, where to begin?

For starters, men probably shouldn't read The Village Voice, but that's a minor point.

I also question the word "crush." It's typically used to describe a junior high schooler's emotion: "Johnny has a crush on Betty." And, consistent with its use as a junior high emotion, refers to a heterosexual thing. Consequently, its adaptation as a term for use between two adult males fails on two fronts.

The article's disclaimer about homosexuality notwithstanding, such a term tends to make a blur between homosexual affection and a straight man's affection. It takes a term that has hormonal overtones and applies it to a platonic situation. That's unfortunate. I sympathize with the idea of a "man crush." There should be an effort to recognize that men can have friends without being gay for them; it's a shame that strong friendship can't speak its name anymore, for fear of being accused of homosexuality. But the phrase "man crush" isn't the answer. It's simply inapt.

I also strongly contest (to the point of vomiting) the idea that men ought to "explore various levels of their friendship." Not only does it sound like something a dating couple would do (more blurring), but what exactly does it mean? You sit around and talk with your friend about taking your friendship to the next level? Boyfriends and girlfriends do that (hopefully because the girl, not the boy, wants to). Men don't, for the simple reason that men don't sit around and gush to each other about their affection. It might be implied (and in a true friendship, the affection is there), but they don't write poems to each other about it. Friendship is to be enjoyed, preferably with beer, not analyzed and talked about.

And anyone who thinks differently oughtta be reading The Village Voice.