The County Fair

I took my family to the County Fair last night. Here's my Top Ten Thoughts That Crossed My Mind:

10. The rides are $4 apiece. I spent $80 for unlimited-ride wristbands for my six walking children, and they each rode over $40 worth of rides. I made money.
9. Couldn't the attendees wear better clothing, like Black Sabbath concert shirts or "I'm with Stupid" t-shirts?
8. Do the ride workers wear sunglasses so they can scope girls or because they're stoned?
7. Why am I the only guy wearing a collared shirt, and is my mouth pretty?
6. Excess body piercings and poor hygiene must go together like tobacco juice and tattoos.
5. Eric, keep telling yourself: "I'm against eugenics, I'm against eugenics, I'm against eugenics."
4. A cellulited stomach does not work with a cut-off T-shirt.
3. A cellulited stomach does not work with a cut-off T-shirt and a navel piercing.
2. [At the end of the evening:] I need to shave my teeth.
1. When did they rid of Pizza in a Cup?