Drinking Sense
Is that you vomiting in the corner from drinking too much? Did you bring your three pre-schoolers to the pub? Do you have a knack for playing completely inappropriate music (or no music at all) during a party?
If so, you might lack drinking sense.
“Drinking sense” is kind of like common sense: general notions about how to behave and react in general . . . when it comes to drinking.
But unlike common sense, drinking sense doesn't seem to be very common at all. I'm always surprised to see how many people lack it.
Actually, I'm usually jarred by it because the person with a muted drinking sense is a drinking joy killer.
I've struggled to come up with a good definition of drinking sense, but I think the following fits: Drinking sense is the ability to consume alcohol in a way that maximizes its enjoyment without leading to its abuse. Drinking sense is more than just the ability to drink well. It's also, perhaps more importantly for the Christian drinker, the ability to help others drink well.
I divide drinking sense into three areas: the drinking session's duration, its effects, and wrapping up the session.
Duration
One of my old drinking buddies once told me that he wished he had a drinking I.V. that he could plug into his arm that would connect to a gauge. Its settings would go from “1” to “10.” When the evening is young, he'd put it at 2 or 3, then turn it up as the evening kicks into full gear, then wind it back down as the evening comes to a close.
Neat idea, but drinking is a one-way ratchet: You're either getting drunker or your getting more sober. If you're getting drunker, you're probably having more fun. If you're getting sober, you're having less fun (and probably getting tired, too, and ready to go home).
A person with a good sense nurtures the one-way ratchet. He consumes and consumes, but slowly. He paces himself. He looks at the expected evening's festivities ahead, and drinks at a pace that will allow him to enjoy all of it. If the wedding reception is going to last six hours, you don't want to do three shots before the bride and groom even arrive.
Effects
This is where people with little drinking sense show it. A person with little or no drinking sense can kill a joyful drinking gathering in a shot glass of time.
It's impossible to catalog the mosaic (blurred) issues in this area, so I'll just highlight three “don'ts” when it comes to drinking sessions. People who violate these rules merely highlight their drinking ignorance or lack of consideration:
1. Don't thrust mundanity on a person's who's experiencing drinking ephemerality. If a guy has started to relax with a couple of beers, it's intensely rude to ask him to run to an errand or watch the kids, unless it's necessary (even drinking has to yield to necessity at times).
2. Don't force a change of environment on the drinker. If a guy, for instance, is on a boat, listening to rock-n-roll and hoisting beers with a buddy, don't force him off, unless there's a similar environment waiting for him on shore (drinking, a buddy, music, and beer). The drinker in the throes of fun normally has a huge store of inertia. Disrupt it, and you're basically killing his drinking session, unless he's hard-core.
3. Don't screw up the music. Drinkers like music (if you don't play music at all during your drinking sessions, something is terribly awry). I can't tell you what to play. Tastes vary. All I can say is: Be sensitive to the fact that music has a huge effect on the drinking session, and try to gauge the music (including its volume levels) accordingly. Soft background-type music might be appropriate at the beginning of the evening and at the end, but generally, when the drinking is popping, the music should be popping, too. A few specific suggestions:
A. Rock-n-roll is always a safe bet.
B. If you have a group predominately from one age group, play music from the group's high school years (if your group consists of people in their early forties, play stuff from the 1980s).
C. Don't be afraid to mix it up: 1980s music to 1960s, with a rockabilly tune thrown in the mix. That's fine. But avoid the downers. If you think Celine Dion sandwiched between the Stones' Start Me Up and Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs' Wooly Bully is a good change-up, throw your iPod to someone else.
D. Stay away from real heavy metal. That's music for stoners, not drinkers.
E. Stay away from think rock, like Pink Floyd and The Who's rock operas. I remember one guy who put on Quadrophenia during a family gathering, insisting that it was good stuff. I was stunned at the lack of drinking sense. I like the Who, but Quadrophenia ain't drinking music.
F. No Christian rock, unless that's what everybody wants to hear. For starters, you should try to pick music everyone has heard. CR is too new.
G. Don't play music that requires everyone to STF up and listen to the funny lyrics. Lyric-driven music is fine if it's just you and a few other people and they want to STF up and listen to the words, but otherwise, leave the glorified joke albums on the shelf.
H. Control the volume. Louder is better, until it's no longer better. If your wife is cool, defer to her ear on the matter. If your wife is a killjoy, do your best to monitor it, always erring on the loud side. If you find yourself wishing that the volume knob didn't stop at “10,” you've probably crossed over the reasonable decibel threshold.
Wrapping Up
All good things come to an end. All fun must eventually cease. So it is with drinking, but there's a good way to wind up the evening and bad ways.
Confession: This has always been my weak area. Back in my heavier-imbibing days, I was famous for the “disappearing” trick. My buddies and I would be at our third bar of the evening. I'd go to the bathroom and decide, “I've simply had enough.” I'd then walk home, distances ranging from ten blocks to two miles, weather temperatures from beautiful 70-degree evenings to minus 10.
I don't do such things anymore, but I still do the disappearing trick when entertaining. I can't stay up late anymore, but most people aren't willing to let go, so I normally just put on my pajamas and go to bed without announcing it. Friends and family have come to accept it.
But it's still not cool. You're better to nurse that final beer, switch to water or a sports drink (gotta fend off the hangover), and offer similar drinks to the others. Hang out for another thirty minutes or so. Put on some softer music that is still somewhat upbeat (America–“Horse with No Name,” “Tin Man,”--is one of my favorites in this area) but mellow.
That's it. Drinking Sense 101. If you have friends who are ignorant in these areas, get together with them on Sunday afternoons.
And get yourself some new friends for Friday nights.
