Some jokes tenuously-related to drinking:
Two lawyers walk into a bar in the country side, they have decided to stop there for lunch, so without ordering anything they sit down and take out Tupperware boxes from their bags and begin to eat some sandwiches from them.
The bartender sees this and says to them 'You can't eat your own food in here!'
So the lawyers look at each other, and without saying anything swap sandwiches.
*******
I have a friend who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime he wants to.
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Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?
It suffered from withdrawals.
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A piece of string walks into a bar. Before he sits down the bartender yells "Hey! We don't serve pieces of string like you!" The piece of string goes outside, ties himself in a bow, and rolls around on the ground for a bit. Then he gets up, goes back into the bar, and sits down. The bartender says "Aren't you that piece of string?" The string replies "No. I'm a frayed knot."
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A Briton walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport. The officer asks, "Do you have any felony convictions?"
The Briton replies, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was still a requirement."
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How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.
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A rabbi walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
Barman asks "thats interesting, where did you get it?"
Parrot says "Brooklyn. They are just everywhere around there."
******
Two Irish guys walk out of a bar.
Well shoot, it could happen.
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What do you get when you cross atheism and dyslexia?
A man who doesn't believe in dog.
